I tend to limit my higher end fine dining experience to a handful of times a year and this warm Wednesday evening was one of those occasions. The Michelin guide had just come out for LA, and being located in OC, I had taken it upon myself to make sure I had visited the two rated restaurants near me. One was Taco Maria, a modern Mexican restaurant I had frequented in the past, and the other was Hana Re, a Japanese restaurant I had never even heard about. Thinking I ought to beat the rush as more people read about the newly minted list of starred restaurant, I had quickly contacted Hana Re for their most recent available reservation for one.
This dinner marked would be my first foray into having a fine dining meal by myself. I am no stranger toward grabbing a bite (or several) to eat by myself, but this was a full on, multi-hour fine dining experience. A first that I would quickly find meant anything but dining solo.
I had heard about the concept of solo dining at a gourmet establishment as an idea that contrasted the popular notion that meals are always meant to be enjoyed with an intimate party of two or more. The core of solo dining follows the principle that food is the focus and, as with many solo experiences, your mind opens up to both the experience at hand and the environment around you when there is less to focus on. No need to divert your attention and energy towards any accompanying participant. Just you, the food, and your environment.
The irony is that, although you do focus on the food and its preparation more so than not, in these solo dining situations you also find yourself engaged in a much more social experience than you had otherwise planned. One that’s organic in a way I rarely experience with my more introverted tendencies.
Dining at Hana Re’s 10 seat sushi bar, I found myself naturally engaging in conversations with the other diners as the picturesque plates rolled in throughout the evening. The whole restaurant gradually felt as one group sharing in the experience created by Chef Atsushi Yokoyama united in their pursuit and partaking of such a grand meal. Nothing brings together people quite like food and none other is that further amplified than by being in a room filled solely of people who go through such great lengths to get food at its best.
It dawned on me that the social experience unfolding before me in that room was one based on the shared interest in the culinary spectacle being put before us. The common ground created a sense of trust as we were all there spending a couple hundred dollars to have a meal spanning a couple hours. In other words, there was more to each of our visits than just looking for something to do on this particular Wednesday evening.
All of the different courses from my dining experience at Hana Re (minus the sushi courses and the panna cotta dessert).
In between each culinary concoction, I’d notice the uniqueness of my fellow diners through conversation and their interactions with the chef. For example, one of the couples to my immediate right were fellow food connoisseurs (I’m fully aware of how stuck up this sounds, but hey it’s better than the word “foodie”) of the same alma mater and software background with the husband turned entrepreneur. I learned everything from the restaurants they frequented, their travels, the differences in starting a career in software today and over twenty years ago, and even various startups ventures. The most interesting being how he sold a cloud business before the dotcom bust, re-purchased it afterwards for pennies on the dollar, and finally sold it again before the great recession in 2007. All these stories I probably would have never heard had I been with another person and it didn’t stop there. By the end of the night I even learned of another restaurant closer to me that I now frequent.
There was even more details in just taking in the environment: a group to my left consisting of a relatively young couple that frequented the restaurant entertaining a guest from abroad as they drank with Chef Atsushi, the couple to my right sharing stories with Chef Atsushi having followed him around for the better part of two decades, and the couple to the far right talking of their various other affluent dining experiences. There was so much to take in that it acted as a welcomed pause in between each exquisite dish. One where I can focus on both food quality and everything around me by not being distracted by having to entertain a companion.
In another account at a different sushi bar, a similar experience awaited me. I was having an omakase course at a restaurant I hadn’t been to in over 5 years, but this time enjoying the meal by myself as I was conveniently nearby for lunch. After watching the sushi chefs at work for the majority of the meal and savoring in the experience, I eventually ended up in conversation with the older man dining next to me after it was clear we were both thoroughly enjoying our meals. I learned details and recommendations from everything from business, to ingredients, and even other restaurants. Interestingly enough I found out that he was also more introverted and equally intrigued by the fact that he would not normally engage in conversations with a stranger like this. That’s the magic that comprises solo dining or really any solo experience.
By isolating yourself you find yourself drawn to more natural actions as you focus on what you want to do and what you’re interested in. Humans are social creatures and ones that find interest in shared experiences and beliefs. Going into a fine dining restaurant by yourself may first sound like a waste, but it really just gives way to that raw desire to connect with those who feel similar. There is also a sense of respectful understanding given to someone who chooses to dine alone as they are going against the typical status quo with the sole intention of enjoying that meal first and foremost. All this enables a social behavior to, at a first glance, a seemingly anti-social move. I gave into this notion to test out the theory of whether I really would enjoy fine dining by myself and I leave each experience feeling more validated in that theory. Had I not had any of these conversations I wouldn’t find the time a waste because I thoroughly enjoyed the meals and the environment that houses all the chefs and workers at work. But there is nothing like the unexpected benefit of walking away with learnings, recommendations, and a good old organic conversation with someone who has no reason to engage in such.
Now with all this glowing praise for the experience of solo dining, I’m not going to tell you to go have as many meals as you can by yourself or that I now dine alone as much as possible. These two examples were optimal situations given the nature of direct contact in sushi restaurants with the chef and the parties next to you. There are definitely establishments and moments that may not lend themselves as well to going by yourself, though I am pleasantly surprised in these sub-optimal situations by the tidbits in even the most mundane settings and moments when given some extra attention and focus. What I will say is that, when you do get a good opportunity to go try that restaurant you always wanted, consider that you may not have to work around anyone but your own schedule and that you just might have a better experience by doing so.